


i'm with you

by Tazmaster



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Civil War (Marvel), Recovery, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 16:11:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18720508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tazmaster/pseuds/Tazmaster
Summary: “Hey.” Bucky stops writing to look at him again, hitting the pen sharply on the paper. Sam holds his arms open and without hesitation, Bucky puts his journal on the nightstand and collapses in Sam’s lap. He sighs as Sam immediately moves to run his hands through his long hair. “Are you with me?“Yeah…Yeah, I’m with you,” He replies softly as Sam leans down to kiss his forehead. “And what about you?”“What do you mean?”“Are you with me?” He repeats back to Sam. Bucky turns, his blue eyes staring up at him.





	i'm with you

“That must’ve been around the time of JFK, I think.”

Bucky looks up at Sam from the journal he’s writing in. He asks, “Did I do that?” Sam furrows his eyebrows and shrugs. He leans back against the headboard of their bed. 

“There’s a lot of speculation around it,” He admits, because he definitely doesn’t know himself. “I don’t--- It could have been HYDRA, but anything the Soldier did… that’s not you.” He sees Bucky’s eyes flicker over his metal arm before he starts writing again. His writing is faster this time, as if he’s trying to distract himself instead of carefully making the words string together like he usually does.

“Hey.” Bucky stops writing to look at him again, hitting the pen sharply on the paper. Sam holds his arms open and without hesitation, Bucky puts his journal on the nightstand and collapses in Sam’s lap. He sighs as Sam immediately moves to run his hands through his long hair. “Are you with me? 

“Yeah…Yeah, I’m with you,” He replies softly as Sam leans down to kiss his forehead. “And what about you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you with me?” He repeats back to Sam. Bucky turns, his blue eyes staring up at him. “You had another nightmare last night, I could tell. Shakin’ like a leaf.” Sam sees the image of the sky briefly and blinks. He doesn’t reply fast enough to Bucky’s liking he assumes, because he then says, “I get it if, you know, you don’t wanna...”

“No, it’s fine, really,” Sam assures him, stroking his hair again. It helps him focus, like Bucky is an anchor in reality for him to hold onto. 

Being a counselor didn’t magically make everything easier for him, funnily enough, just easier for other people. Seeing Rhodey fall suffocated him, trapped Sam in his own memories that he tried so hard to forget. Up there just to watch… it was fucking cruel.

“I just keep having that dream about Rhodey and you know, sometimes I wish it would've been me---” Bucky sits up abruptly and cups his face, his eyes filled with a worry that tugged on Sam’s heart. 

“Don’t ever say that again.” He commands, making sure to say it slowly so that he hears every word. 

“Sorry.” Sam says softly. It’s difficult coming out of his mouth, all of his regrets sit at the tip of his tongue. 

Bucky pulls him into a firm kiss, a reassuring one that is. When he pulls back, he runs a thumb over Sam’s cheek, wiping away a tear. “It’s okay, sweetheart,” He assures him gently, dropping his hands to intertwine with Sam’s. “God knows I’ve said worse, but I don’t ever want you thinking that was your fault. Or that you’re somehow expendable… We are both victims in our own right, isn’t that what you always tell me?” 

Sam looks down at their linked hands until suddenly Bucky lets go. Bucky looks away for a moment to look at the nightstand and squints. Then he reaches over to grab his journal.

“This is gonna be so embarrassing…” He mumbles as he starts flipping through the old pages. Sam watches him, seeing the familiar scrawls of Bucky’s memories. Some he knows and others he doesn't. 

“Here,” Bucky says finally, placing a finger on a page. There’s a split second where his mouth twists into a goofy smile before reading, “He’s a real pain in the ass sometimes, but I enjoy having Wilson around. It’s easy with him. No expectations, no anything really, thank god for that.” He quickly sifts deeper into the pages and reads another entry. 

“I wonder if Sam will ever figure out that I keep stealing sticks of gum from him.” He sees a shiny gum wrapper stuck between the spine, almost like a bookmark. Sam smirks and Bucky gives him another smile, before his eyes light up. “Wait--- wait, I know you’ll love this one.” 

He flips a few pages farther and blushes after looking it over. Then, he reads, “Having a crush on Sam is definitely not one of my best ideas, considering the fact he tells me he hates me everyday...”

And Sam can’t help but laugh.

**Author's Note:**

> i haven't written anything in ages, this was technically my first ever fic of these two, sorry it's so short! i never went back to revise it. but its here now! :) thank you for reading!
> 
> check out my [twitter](http://twitter.com/tazisthemaster) and [tumblr](http://xandars.tumblr.com)


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